Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Crutches SUCK!

I am beginning to loathe crutches and sympathize with anyone who is currently, has ever, or will ever need to use crutches. I think they are a torture device invented by the devil. Seriously. Not only am I completely and utterly inadept at using them, they are somewhat painful. I can't count the number of times I have nearly fallen or fallen and caught myself. When you've never used them before and you see other people using them they really don't look that difficult. Well, your perception is deceiving you. It definitely takes practice to get adept at using them and even then I think they still aren't very comfortable.

When you pair crutches with a somewhat clumsy person with a bum ankle, the results can be disastrous. At least, they are for me. I don't know where my coordination is disappearing to (even before the bum ankle). I used to play sports that required great coordination. But alas, it seems that it is fading. I think I am becoming clumsier by the day and adding crutches into the mix is not a pretty sight.

Not only does my ankle hurt, but the crutches are making my back hurt from being bent over, my wrists and hands hurt from holding myself up on them, my underarms hurt where it is rubbing them raw, my neck hurts from looking down to be sure I am placing them on solid ground and that I don't fall, and my right hip and thigh hurt from holding my calf and ankle back so as not to trip over it. Mind you I do not complain about this...well except for this one instance on my blog. I just grin and bear it, but in a word, it stinks.

I have been back at work since the Thursday after the accident and it has been a picnic...or NOT. My husband has to drive me to work, hand me my crutches, help me out of the truck, carry all of my stuff, open the door for me, watch me so I don't fall, help me into my office, put my lunch in the fridge, and then make his own 1 hour journey to work. I have to beg people to carry stuff for me from my office to the lab, including the pillow I need to keep my ankle elevated. I am not able to retrieve my own lunch and have to wait for someone to come by to help me. Don't even get me started on the acrobatics that occur when trying to get into and go to the bathroom.

To an outsider looking in, and even to myself, it is all quite humorous. It it such an orchestration just to get myself bathed (no showers for me for a while), dressed, my hair done, and my body out to the car. At home, I am used to having two sets of eyes on me in the bathroom. If you are an indoor dog owner, you know EXACTLY what I am talking about. However, it has now gone from two sets of eyes to three and one set is human. Thank goodness I am 100% comfortable around my husband or else I might die of shame.

At my last appointment with the orthopedist, they had me schedule a follow-up visit for two weeks later, but told me that if I was getting better there was no need to come in. However, what they failed to tell me was how on earth to gauge whether or not I am getting better. I have no parameters to refer to in order to decide if my ankle is getting better. Does getting better mean no pain? If so, then I guess I am not getting better at all. Does getting better mean being able to put pressure on my ankle? Well then I'm failing that one too because they told me not to even think of putting pressure on my ankle for several weeks. Does it mean being able to move my ankle somewhat? If so, then WOOHOO I am getting better!

In all honestly and all jesting aside, I DO believe that it is ever-so-slowly getting better bit by bit. The majority of my pain comes from standing or walking on the crutches. I do experience some pain from having my foot down. My pain is probably a 2 when my foot is elevated...well, most of the time. I want my recovery to speed the H E double hockeysticks up because I am TIRED of being on crutches and being nearly helpless. But everyone I have talked to who has torn the ligaments in their ankle with a grade 3 sprain has given me the unfortunate news that it takes about a year to get back to 100% if you even get there at all. But, I can deal with a year's worth of "recovery" as long as I am up and walking before I throw my crutches through the second story storm windows. They are telling me I should be able to walk withint 4-6 weeks. One and half weeks down, 2.5 to 4.5 left to go.

Until that time comes I will be silently cursing the man (and yes, I am CERTAIN it was a man) who invented the torture devices known to us as crutches.



Cheryl, Indiana, Shingo and Molly said...

Awww, Tiffany!! We hope you feel better soon and can burn those crutches in a bonfire!!

Also, since you're in the market for a new car, this website might help:

They review makes and models for dog lovers.

Cole said...

Oh, you poor thing! I hope you can recover and leave those crutches behind you soon.

sprinkles said...

I bought some crutches one day last year when my hip was really bothering me.

You're right, when you watch someone else use them it can be deceiving how difficult and uncomfortable they can be.

Hope you can get rid of them soon.

Dip-Dip and The Bridge said...

Remind me not to injure myself anytime soon, lol. Seriously, it must be a nightmare you poor thing.
Get well soon ankle.

Khyra The Siberian Husky And Sometimes Her Mom said...

I know you want to rush it but truly (and realistically) it will take time -

I speak from experience with a past S/O -

Don't be too hard on yourself by trying too much too fast -

Khyra's Mom

Nadine said...

Tiffany, reading your post I can only imagine how awful it must be for you. That is my worst fear - injuring my feet, you take things for granted when you have 2 healthy feet. I do hope that time goes by really fast for you and you can eventually burn those evil crutches. Maybe, on the day you don't need them anymore, you should build a fire in your backyard with them, LOL!!

Don and Diana said...

Hi Tiffany,
I hate the crutches too after 9 times spraining my ankle. The last time was the evening before I was to fly to Texas to see my daughter. She got married and had just lived there 6 months and missed Mom :-) Anyway, fell on the stairs and hurt it really bad. NOTHING was stopping me from going. The airlines had a wheel chair for me here and there. Got to their apt and it was on the 2nd floor AHHHHH made it step by step.
My foot was so swollen and the next day and the next 3 days it rained, using darn crutches in rain!! Yah,~~Slippery~so I sucked it up, limped along on one crutch and bout killed myself, but it got around better. Yep I am sure a guy designed crutches!! I did enjoy riding the drivable carts in Target though lol
It was painful like yours and it took the WHOLE 6 weeks to feel better so be patient and take care